Michael Phelps Jokes

If you have five dollars and Michael Phelps has five dollars, Michael Phelps has more money than you. 
There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Michael Phelps’ computer. Michael Phelps is always in control. 
Apple pays Michael Phelps 99 cents every time he listens to a song. 

 
Michael Phelps can sneeze with his eyes open. 
Michael Phelps destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise. 

 
Michael Phelps can kill two stones with one bird.
Michael Phelps once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
While urinating, Michael Phelps is easily capable of welding titanium.
Michael Phelps doesn’t believe in Germany.
When Michael Phelps is in a crowded area, he doesn’t walk around people. He walks through them
Simply by pulling on both ends, Michael Phelps can stretch diamonds back into coal.
Michael Phelps doesn’t merely beat competitors. He wipes out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
Michael Phelps can slam a revolving door.
Michael Phelps does not “style” his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
Michael Phelps doesn’t play god. Playing is for children.