Michael Phelps Jokes

Salmon learned to swim upstream from Michael Phelps.

Newton’s First Law is wrong:  Even if an external force is applied to Michael Phelps he will remain in the Michael Phelps state of motion.
Newton’s Second Law now states: The relationship between an object’s mass and its acceleration is the force Michael Phelps applies to them.
Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for [...]

Scientists recently discovered the cause for warmer sea temperature and melting icebergs happens every time Michael Phelps gets in the water.
Michael Phelps’ sweat is consider a banned substance for other athletes.  Too bad Michael Phelps never sweats.
When Michael Phelps jumps into the pool, he isn’t making a splash; the water is just trying to get [...]

Michael Phelps does not swim, He beats the shit out of the water until it takes him where he wants to go.

Michael Phelps’ Primal Scream. Michael Phelps looked like he was going to split the earth open with that horrifying scream after winning the relay race. Here’s what the cameras caught!

Michael Phelps once challenged Lance Armstrong in a “Who has more testicles?” contest. Michael Phelps won by 5.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Michael Phelps once swallowed a turtle whole while swimming across the Atlantic, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

If you spell Michael Phelps in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Michael Phelps tells fortune cookies what message to give him.
Michael Phelps once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Michael Phelps is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Michael Phelps.
When Michael Phelps falls in water, Michael Phelps doesn’t get [...]

If you have five dollars and Michael Phelps has five dollars, Michael Phelps has more money than you. 
There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Michael Phelps’ computer. Michael Phelps is always in control. 
Apple pays Michael Phelps 99 cents every time he listens to a song. 
 
 
Michael Phelps can sneeze with his eyes open. 
Michael Phelps destroyed the periodic [...]

Michael Phelps Animated Gif